Vinzenz ‘Vinzi’ ;

10.08.2024

I love and miss you so much. I hope I never forget the comfort of your fur, your smell, your purr. May I never forget how it felt to kiss you on the top of your head.

I brought plants and flowers to your grave today. Wormwood, Pimpinella ( I think), Erigeron, wild sage, yarrow, and two soft pink roses. It makes me sad that there are so little flowering plants left at this time of the year.

I’m so sorry I couldn’t take better care of you in your last hours. I hope you forgave me...

11.08.2024

Just now, as I entered my room, I instinctively thought to myself: “Ich freu mich, wenn der Vinzi herkommt zum schlafen” …… that hurt

13.08.2024

Your death feels very surreal. I saw you being lowered into your little grave, I watched you take your last breath, I looked over you on your last night on this earth, and yet, I can’t grasp that you’ve died, and remembering those events feels like a hazy dream. I look at your photos every day and try to recall your sounds and smell and haptics. I get scared every time it doesn’t come naturally.

I guess in a way I am relieved to see that your mom is not affected by your death. You two were never bonded to each other. If I had to watch her grieve you too, with the sincerity & unfilteredness of another animal, I think it would destroy me. But she’s her usual, chipper, talkative self. I too will try to keep in mind your better days, before you became sick, to the best of my ability.

17.08.2024

Last night I dreamt of you! That you returned, were healthy, and I could show you to my friends one last time. It seemed like you were just away for a while. I miss you. It still doesn’t feel real.
But, it hurts really bad today.

18.08.2024

In loving memory
I surrender to the grief again.

23.08.2024

2 weeks today
I hope that death comforts you

27.08.2024

I dream about you, sadly not every day, but occasionally; it is an oddly comforting experience and makes not seeing you anymore in real life a little easier to bear. Still, whenever I notice a sliver of something pale orange or movement in the corner of my eye when I’m in the garden, my first thought is that it’s you. That is still very painful, having to remind myself of how things are now and will be forever.